where are you? aren't you coming yet? you know that i hate to kept waiting, right? so why aren't you here yet? this psychological shock can kill, you know?


shige abuses exclaimation marks. way too much.

Labels: ranting, shige love

「もしも明日　世界が　なくなったらどうする？」

You looked so disappointed when I couldn't reply. Was there a special answer you wanted to hear? I can't help but feel my heart crumble when your face went blank. Somehow with my thoughtless words, you seemed to become fainter. "Being inarticulate, I am unable to express what I want to say" was my first thought. But, what had I really wanted to express then? I couldn't even understand myself. This realisation scared me. I caught myself blanking out while thinking about this. I want to give you a proper answer. The distance between us grows. I want to stop it before it becomes a chasm that I will never be able to cross again. As we meet to go home together like always, the silence that surrounds us resounds in my head. I clench my hand hard enough to leave marks. I need to say something. I have to. Before I lose something that is so very dear to me.
At rehearsals you speak only when you are spoken to and when you need to. Somehow the other members are oblivious that you are not your usual cheery self. Listening to Yamapi's humming of Gomen ne Juliet, I asked myself " Is it really like that?" I want... to change that. Colours... you were humming. Reflexively I pulled you to a secluded place.
My answer... even though I have no idea how to express myself, I will try to make you understand, as long as you can smile again for me. "My answer to your question.... I..." My heart leaped when his eyes flickered for a moment. "the colours we see with our eyes are actually the result of things absorbing and reflecting light. The light which we see with our eyes is divided according to its wavelength into red, orange, yellow, green, blue and violet. For example, an apple appears red because it reflects the red light which has a long wavelength, while absorbing the other colors. To make it short, the colours we see with our eyes is actually the light which is being disliked and told, "I won't pick you up! Go away!" The colours of things are made up of disliked light, and if they had a different color, it would make me feel sick. You wouldn't like if people were blue all over, would you. We've come to take the colors for granted which make up the world around us. The light which is disliked by all things is loved by us, it is changed into something necessary which we cannot live without. Being influenced by the disliked light that we see with our eyes, colors are really something tricky.I like pictures of the sky. The blue that sky and sea dislike makes us feel incredibly calm. The sky in the middle of the night shows us a brilliant moon by disliking black. The light which I dislike, how does it paint me? It would be great if I disliked a beautiful "color". Because you do, and I will spend whatever's left of my life with you."

Labels: fic, shige love

Okay... How should I start this? And by the way, it really rained when I went to sleep last night. So it could be that that caused the funny dream I had.
So... my dream sort of started like this... as far i can remember.
It was in a world where humans are mercenary. At this black market, there was an auction of mutated humans. Humans who tried to change and get rid of their weakness by modifying their DNA and injecting various substances into their body. They all succeeded. But, of course, they wouldn't be captive. They had caused destruction and chaos in the world. But how were they caught in the first place?
This change causes some humans who mutate naturally to accomodate with this destruction. An Order was then set up to deal with this. They were to protect what ever was left of the peace. They had caught countless dangerous monsters, once humans whom had changed so drastically that they were beyond recognition. Of these monsters, only one was left at large. There were still many minor beasts wandering as their power was too weak to transform completely. If they tried to force themselves, they would implode, leaving bloody messes in shape of which ever animal they tried to merge with. This Order, consists half humans half monsters. Their powers were always kept to 10% when fighting and not more then 50% could be released. Although there are some exceptionally skilled fighters with magnificant control, who can release up to 80% and not get taken over completely by their feral instincts.
-back to the black market-
Some members were undercover at the black market. They were there mainly to protect the merceneries and second, to capture the lone monster that lurked within mankind. this monster was especially tricky and skilled, for it was able to return to human form after transforming to it's ultimate form. The longer and often their powers were used, the features of their animals will appear and it'll be more difficult to control each power surge.

-my dreams jumps to this rabbit creature that somewho escapes-
This rabbit had a horse-like tail, a deliberate attempt to combine two animals. Somehow this creature was lucky and able to hold the transformation. After this creature was bought or hired by the highest bidder, it went up to another bidder's rabbit creature and tried to provoke a fight, which results in a bloody death of that bidder and his creature. Apperantly this rabbit went crazy at the sight of blood and tried to go on a killing spree. Fortunately it was reined in by it owner,but not before this rabbit ripping out another creature's bob tail and eating it. <------ good thing it's sort of censored in my brain >.>
The rabbit actually shrugged and said "I rather give up my tail then dying."
----------------------------
Then it fast forwards to some sort of destruction. Which is that the world is at war. Somehow, this remaining monster managed to free some of the more dangerous creatures. And since this dream is "controllable", I am like in the elite team of fighters >.> And yep, Gaara is in my team. But I don't know why, but ya. And he's damn cute up close!! *fangirl kyaa~* And we're partners. But it's not the time to fangirl. Gaara needs my help, but only one person can make it to safety. But like I've said that this dream is somehow "controllable", Gaara and I managed to get out of the falling debris. Which then we meet this monster. The monster is... a mix of Soi Fon and the guy who creates spiderwebs from sangokushi... the koumei's bro guy. Sorry but I forgot your name ;x

So a fight ensues. Gaara got hurt pretty badly trying to cover for me even though I'm supposed to be stronger then him. Somehow I managed to lure it away... then we both ended up in the Order. I don't know what happened to that monster, cuz i woke up ;/
I'm just glad that Gaara is safe. ;D

Labels: ranting

こんにちわ、みんあさん！えと、これは私のファンフィクです！よろしくおねがいします！じゃ、どうぞ！

i'm having fun with typing hiragana ;D
5 Stages of Friendship Love

Stage One
We've just been introduced. There is an awkward silence. You fidget, as if you shouldn't be here. I can't help but feel apprehensive. You stare at the floor and back to my face, as if wanting to say something but decided not to. I stare at my hands, feeling my ears grow hot. On the other hand, the other members had already started chatting, so they don't notice our silence. Somehow, I felt bad. I tried to say something, but you have already muttered "I'm going to the toilet." I slumped back into my seat, and fiddled with my handphone trying to be busy. I hoped our next meeting will be better.

Stage Two
We meet coincindentally on the street. At one glance, you could tell I'm feeling blue. Without further ado, you brought me to a local funfair, bringing me on various rides. Your chatter washed over me like a cool summer breeze. We blended in the crowd, acting like children without responsibilities. For the first time in a month, I felt really relaxed. I could not help but get caught by your laughter. I had thought that it would be annoying, but I'm glad i'm wrong.

Stage Three
It had been three months since we had a break. I originally planned on resting at home and making up an excuse when you called me, but I recalled your help when I was feeling sad. And I'm so relieved that I went. You sounded normal and I thought that the beach was a weird place to meet. Yet when I found you, you were different. Even though you tried to cover up, your usual liveliness wasn't there. I tried to find out, but you didn't want to tell me. So I placed a reassuring hand on your head and said "tell me when you want to then." You went totally quiet and I thought it was something I said. I gave you a hug to try to cover up the silence. When I was about to pull away, your muffled voice in my shoulder said "Can I stay like this for a while more?" I ruffled your hair and we stayed like that until the next morning.

Stage Four
Things have started to get really busy for NewS again. We are pretty much bonded as a group, although we don't go out together. We are always in a pair. Although I wouldn't mind if I went out with other members other then you. "Ne, Shige-" "Shige!! Help me style my hair!" Tegoshi whined. Everyone knows better then to cross Tegoshi. He'll think up all sorts of ways to "get your attention", no matter how embarrassing or dangerous. " Sorry Keii-chan." I grimaced. "Hai, hai, coming..."

After I finished styling Tegoshi's hair, I went to find you. "What did you want to tell me-" "Hey, Yamapi and Ryo, can I eat with you?" "Eh?But Keii-chan-" "Come on Shige~ Eat with us... and spread the member ai <3">
"Otsukare~" Everyone was tired. " Keii chan let's go home toge-" "Can I hitch a ride? Thanks." Before I knew it, I was alone with Yamapi and Ryo. Something happened. But I couldn't place why I felt like I was bursting. I didn't sleep well that night.

Stage Five
And before I knew it, it was morning and I was late for team practice. It turns out that Keii-chan was late too. " Morning." I was but greeted by your cold exterior. "Is everything all right?" You studied the buttons in the elevator, so obviously ignoring me. "Did something happen? Hey!" You rushed out the elevator and I had to practically run after you. "Hey wait up!" I grabbed your arm forcefully and pinned you to the wall. " Why are you avoiding me? Just what did I do?" "Why do you care? Let me go!" You struggled and managed to get out. We burst into the room. "Oi! Listen to me." "Leave me alone!" I grabbed your arm. "Not until you tell me what's wrong!" You suddenly aimed a punch at me. I could have dodged it but I didn't. I waited for the blow so you'll lessen your anger. But It never came and Yamapi had grabbed your hand and the rest of the members had tried to prevent further fighting. I muttered "I'm sorry." and went to get ready. For the rest of the day, the morale was somewhat forced. I couldn't help be think that if they didn't interfere, maybe your punch could have knocked some sense into me. We didn't have any form of contact for two weeks.

Epilogue
The atmosphere was really tense even after one month. And I realised that during that one month, I didn't do anything that was useful.
"Oi Pi-chan." "Uhm." Then I was dragged to in front of Keii-chan. "What?" I looked around for clarification. "Shige will apologise to you." Massu appeared out of nowwhere. The four members stared expectantly at Shige. "Oi Koyama, you're supposed to listen." Ryo roughly pulled out the earphones. You looked at me with the world's hurt in your eyes. Before I could stop myself, words started to tumble out of my mouth. "I am really sorry if my actions or words had hurt you. Looks like I'm really vain, unable to say sorry. Other then you, I've never been really to speak my mind, but it seems I've gone too far this time." I could feel my face wet with tears. "Voicing out my selfish opinions without caring for your feelings. You're the only one who would keep it inside and not say a word. Only you will tolerate my nonsense..." My knees decided that they couldn't support me anymore and I crumpled to the ground. I limply rest one hand on Keii-chan's leg. "Understand what I'm trying to say please..." You wordlessly slide to the floor to embrace me. "Don't worry. I understand." I buried my face in Keii-chan's shoulder and heard "I love you too".
"We'll take a one hour break. Come back here later." Yamapi cheerfully announced and herded everyone out.

Labels: ranting

yay, whatever. i might base my GP presentation on dreams. haha, why? because it is universal. Everyone has dreamt before, no matter nightmares or pleasant dreams. is it just a psychological response? or a natural body response?

or may be doing on human minds. because, everybody thinks. even though not much for some. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE, IDIOT. you can, with your mind, make your world right, make everything go your way, make everything at your command. nobody have the right to tell you that you have to think only one way. because it belongs to you solely. although other people can influence you, you still have the right to process that suggestion and think whether it's what you'll believe in. you could have killed many people in your mind, and every thing is reversible.

and, i think i'll need some statistics or what not, something to substanstiate this.


and yes, it seems that i have not stop being depressed yet. lets hope i'll not decide to kill myself or what ever. yeah. this world will lose such a sadistic talent.
oh hurhur. I want to see the sadness in the world. What is the point of seeing other's happiness when you are not happy yourself? Isn't it just torture? So you'll be jealous of others, making yourself feel additional pain. which is why, cry, and you cry alone. laugh, and the whole world laughs with your is DEFINITELY wrong. why? refer to my words above.

Labels: ranting

Labels: ranting

yay it's NEWS! I like to make pretty boys gay.
I want to rule the world.
I must be positive.
I'm a paedophile.
I want UEDA. My HIME!!

iSpeak;

iKnow;

candice
jolene
julitta
sarah
sora
stella
yuhan

Kiwi Musume
Megchan
iJC Portal
PW Portal
History Notes
VNManga

iLoveNEWS;

Kato Shigeaki. 1987.07.11
Koyama Keiichiro 1984.05.01
Tegoshi Yuuya 1987.11.11
Masuda Takahisa 1986.07.04
Yamashita Tomohisa 1985.04.09
Nishikido Ryo 1984.11.03


Ueda Tatsuya 1983.10.04
Tanaka Koki 1985.11.05
Nakamaru Yuichi 1983.09.04
Kamenashi Kazuya 1986.02.23
Taguchi Junnosuke 1984.11.29
Akanishi Jin 1984.07.04


January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008