Requiem

help.

2008-08-25T22:02:00.004+08:00

econs test tml. and i really should go to sleep. but i am still typing here. why? because i can't stop my impulses. gah. i swear that i am going to get better then --- in my class. because i am better. i know that. so why aren't my reults showing? freak. i want to be even smarter. someone help me :((((((((((((((((((((((
i really need a good tutor, or someone who will force me to do things. like study! and me berating myself is useless since no action is taken, or action taken is sueless. help.help. help. i can't study in a grp. i need to have some teacher with a cane to wack me if i don't concentrate. those really spartan methods will definitely work for me. i wish my parents are so free. please lock me in my room. take away all my pleasures in life. for this and next year. gah.
i will go to sleep now.

i will do this.
i will do this.
i will do this.
i will do this.
i will do this.

and i know i definitely will have manymanymany mood swings. from craziest to super emo. don't mind me. im just a statistic.

NEWS!

2008-08-13T22:02:00.002+08:00

This is the NEWS of the DAY.

zomgzomgzomgzomg.

NEWS rocks.i love youuu!
I reaaallly want to go to their concert! Unfortunately i'm stuck in Singapore until i have the means to go there D: i reallly want to know them personally and as a friend. I think they are all interesting people. I don't think that this feeling is an influence of their popularity, but they actually have this aura, this charisma that attracts people to them. Unfortunately, my japanese is still rock-bottom. Not to mention my mother tongue sucks.

I LOVE YOU NEWS!
although i do love KAT-TUN too, this is for NEWS!

hhimee~

2008-08-12T12:08:00.002+08:00

Argh is bored. :D
Argh wants Ueda and Shige!
Argh also wants the rest of J.E, actually.
Argh needs help with essay!
Argh hopes that inspiration will strike soon for a rap/poem for gp.
Argh lit will be boring as usual.
Argh my source of enjoyment is laughing at Kanjani8's random antics.
Argh.

let's help Argh. :D
LOL.

shige!

2008-08-09T16:08:00.000+08:00

sorry shige :D i forgot how baka you can be :DD

Happy national day!

2008-08-09T11:11:00.003+08:00

Happy National Day!

ya i'm only being patriotic this day cuz the school sucks.

why i hate beijing olympics: "But for all the good will that radiated from the Bird's Nest on this hot and sticky night, old and new rivalries still showed through the careful choreography. The largely Chinese crowd gave a frosty reception to the Japanese team as it marched in. Downtown, on Beijing's biggest shopping mall, there were boos from spectators watching on a giant screen."

what has the prejudice from so long ago got to do with the now? that's why they are progressing so slowly. and that they are considered petty, manipulative and cheats. look at taiwan. compare the difference.
any way i hope japan wins a lot :D ahaha. GO MIZUNO MERCHANDISE! :D

in the school's library

2008-08-04T11:54:00.002+08:00

rarrr! i'm in the school's library using their computer because PW has been completed by the super efficient stella! :D i think i'll go complete the graphs after this entry haha :D i have time so don't waste it xD

so when i get home i watch Kinpachi :D such a gay show hahaha... really cute!
and yea, i'm really attracted to random gayness :D i shall rewatch Ai no Kotodama again! so super sweet lawls cuz they both act dorky :D

Requiem

2008-07-30T22:08:00.002+08:00

ok. i'll admit that i am pressured.
i'll admit that it is hard for me to cope.
i'll admit that now is different.
because the responsibility is really a significant difference.
i cannot afford to breakdown everytime i feel frustrated because i definitely will feel frustrated when there are so many conflicting ideas and thoughts.
i definitely will feel frustrated due to the everchanging influences.
also because there are always IDIOTS near me.
i cannot do anything about them.
although they are bordering and bothering my life, they are just puny insects which i have to live with.
after all, the optimum balance in the society is modeled after an iceberg: one is to nine.
they have to be the "nine" at the bottom.
the unbalanced iceberg will also implode, hence i should just treat them the way they deserved to be treated.
i'll acknowledge that they are humans.
but they are the lesser beings that corrode the society.
after all, if there isn't a side which good can be compared to, how would one know that something is actually good?
hence the opposites are formed.
why separate black and white?
so that the grey line will always be my source of entertainment.
and the grey line is to explain the death and life analogy.
but death is hard to define, as resurrection does not exist.
then, how would you know that the person is considered dead?
couldn't it be the person be in the comatose state eternally?
how can we define ourselves as living?
we do not know of being dead.

and this is also why, there are "dead people walking."
they are the eight-ninth of the society.

Kizuna

2008-07-27T22:49:00.003+08:00

Kizuna

What is love… it feels long since I have felt such a word.
Trusting each other, caring for each other…
Feelings that bond…
Working hard together for an unknown future…

So fragile…

And easily destroyed.
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Shige woke to the incessant ringing of his mobile. A message from him had arrived, at last. It was three in the morning. Looking at the screen blearily, he thought he had misread the name. But it is his, Yamashita Tomohisa.

Sorry for waking you up, but filming just ended. I missed you.

He didn’t misread the name. It is his, his lover, now. No longer belonging to another, finally his. Shige clumsily keyed in his message and was wide awake, waiting for the next to come through. It came after a minute.

There were horrible parts. The horrible parts were that you weren’t around.

Shige grinned into his pillow, fantasizing it was him he was hugging. He texted back, but received a phone call almost immediately after he sent the message.
“Ok,” was the cool voice. Tired, hoarse from the many takes, but still liquid to Shige’s ears.

“B-but you haven’t even read my message,” Shige croaked, feeling shattered and displaced next to this calm man.

“I read your mind,” he said, as three knocks sounded.

Shige jumped off the bed and raced to the door. His dog was woken by the sudden presence of the other man, but did no more than flap one ear and closed her eyes.

“Gomen Nana-chan,” he whispered, and patted her head, and Shige also wished for the same treatment.

Yamapi gestured Shige to follow him into the room, so they will not be interrupted.

“Mhmm… this place is the most comfortable,” Yamapi rested his head on Shige’s lap and snuggled.

Shige gracelessly brushed away Yamapi’s hair from his face, but Yamapi did not seem to mind.

“It’s so comfortable… I’m going to fall asleep,” Yamapi yawned, an act which Shige gawked at, still constantly awed by, although he had seen this many times. Then Yamapi raised his head and kissed Shige on the lips and smiled. Then his eyes slowly closed; a tranquil face was left.

Shige is very sure he loves this man.
When morning came, he was gone from his lap, and Shige was lying flat on the bed. He got up, half believing it to be a dream. Then he heard Nana-chan barking enthusiastically and the door opening.

“Ah, you’re awake.” Yamapi tossed the keys on the table and joined in the hug Nana-chan was giving her master.

“Mhmm.” Shige couldn’t say anything intelligent when he was with Yamapi. “Why are you up so early?”

“Let’s sleep together then,” Yamapi stared lustily at Shige and cornered him so he fell and Yamapi was on top of him.

”uh…” Shige was then interrupted by Nana-chan who wanted to join in. She wriggled in between the both of them and barked twice.

Then she licked Shige’s face vigorously and Shige ended laughing. He lost his balance and fell off the floor.

“Itai… Nana-chan?” Shige picked himself up from the floor and looked around him. Nana-chan had a leash around her neck. His bedroom was a mess. He went out to the living room and saw the keys on the table. “So was it a dream?” Shige took a shower and pondered.
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NEWS had dance practice today, and Shige always had the hardest time following, but today, he caught it pretty quickly. He turned with a slight hip movement and a flourish which was met with applause from Tegoshi and Massu.

“You’ve improved a lot, Shige!” Massu grinned.

“That’s right… You’re dancing like Yamapi…” Tegoshi had a wistful look on his face.

“Nah… Compared to him, this time could be luck. Anyway, he taught me a lot,” Shige thumbed a finger at Yamapi who was walking out the door.

Tegoshi and Massu looked at each other and shrugged. “If you say so. We’re going off to practice now. See you later.” Massu and Tegoshi then turned and walked off to another room.

Just then, Koyama came bounding up to Shige.

“Ne, have you seen Ryo-chan? He forgot his handphone.”
“Handphone?” Shige stared at the empty hand Koyama put out. “Uh, are you feeling ok? Ryo-chan… Ryo-chan has gone almost six months ago…”

“Six months? What are you talking about? Don’t be funny, Shige.” Koyama frowned at Shige’s insensitivity. “If you don’t know then say so.” Koyama stomped off, leaving Shige alone and bewildered.
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That night, Nana-chan behaved peculiarly. She seemed to shrink away from Shige as he approached. In the end, Shige gave up and put her dinner and left her alone. When he came back, the food was gone and Nana-chan was nowhere to be found.
“She must be hiding somewhere.” Shige muttered to himself, feeling hurt. He messaged Yamapi about it and hoped he would get the message and stay over. He waited for 2 hours; it was twelve midnight, already a new day. Shige decided to sleep and forget about it. He wasn’t one to say things directly like… Ryo. Which reminds him of Koyama. Koyama mentioned Ryo after six months. He didn’t talk much about him after that incident. Shige knew about their relationship after they returned from Hawaii. There was a huge incident before Ryo had passed on. Koyama and Shige had separated a little, and were not as close as they had been before.

Koyama confessing to Shige, and Shige didn’t know whether to choose between his best friend or him. In the end he sorted out his feelings after Ryo brought Koyama away for a while. From Yamapi, he found out that he had a similar incident. Ryo confessed to Yamapi, but left the decision up to Yamapi. Just like him and Koyama. That happened almost two years ago. Then the unfortunate incident changed Koyama. Even Tegoshi and Massu, everyone who knew Ryo in JE; they had learnt not to speak of the incident when Koyama is around.

Shige decided that he should start over with Koyama again.

He checked his phone again. One new message appeared. It was Koyama.

“Ryo still did not answer the phone when I called him. Do you know where could he be? His phone is still with me.”

Shige pondered what to reply Koyama. He may be the only one who could tell him the truth about Ryo, but it still required subtlety.

“I’ve told him. He says to pass it to him the next time.”

A white lie never hurt anyone. Shige then slept uneasily. He had a dream. He remembered his first love, muscular and tall for his age. He had tripped in front of that person, and he prevented his fall, catching him in his strong arms. Shige then looked up, and was rudely woken by his alarm clock. He jolted, and checked his phone again. Yamapi had replied. He felt guilty for wanting to see his first love again. It had been in junior high, someone he met in the playground.

Sure. Don’t be late. :)

It was very ordinary, but somehow, it made Shige smile. Shige decided to go early. On his way there, he caught a glimpse of Ryo. But it was impossible! Ryo is gone… for nearly six months. But he seemed solid; people were avoiding him. Shige went after him, hoping to get an explanation. He ran past crowds of people, through the many crows and causing them to flutter.
Ah, a traffic light. He may be able to catch up now.
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Koyama walked behind many blond heads, and then took a short cut. He was going to be late meeting Ryo. His hand phone rang. A new message was received. He flipped open his phone only to get it snatched out of his hands by a hooded person.

Without any ado, Koyama ran after him. The thief did not seem to tire, and did not seem to speed up either. It was as if he was playing a game with Koyama. He was running out of stamina soon.
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Shige could not shout out as he didn’t want to draw attention to him and Ryo. He tried his best to reach him, but he was always one step behind. Then he noticed the path he was going in.
Is he going to the park?
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“Stop! Thief!” Koyama shouted, hoping for help from the surrounding picnickers.

Shige heard the shout, but his mind did not register the words until the person had stopped. Then he saw Ryo, Yamapi and Koyama in front of him.

“What’s going on?” He heard Koyama ask.

Koyama saw Yamapi, Ryo and Shige.

“Isn’t Ryo/Yamapi gone?” Shige and Koyama could not believe their eyes.

They both stared at each other when they heard the words.
Then they both felt a gentle push from behind.

“It’s time for you to wake up, Shige.” Shige heard Yamapi’s transparent voice, and he instantly remembered when he saw Yamapi fading away. Yamapi pushed an object into Shige’s hand, and led him towards Koyama.

Ryo had led Koyama towards him.

“You too, Koyama. Thanks for my phone.” Ryo waved it in the air.
“But it’s time for us to go. Look, Tegoshi and Massu were always very worried about you. Don’t cause them anymore grief.” Yamapi’s words were kinder then Ryo’s next sentences.
“Don’t be a baby and move on.” Then Ryo smiled, which was unlike him. “But don’t forget us.”
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“So both of us were always talking to someone that’s not there?” Shige was the first to speak, his voice full of melancholy.

“They were always on our minds. So I guess we are talking to our minds.”

Then Shige remembered that Yamapi had passed him something.

“Hey, it’s your phone…” Shige passed it to Koyama.

“Ah, Yamapi wanted us to meet? A plot by the both of them to cure our friendship?” Koyama’s eyebrows knitted, and seemed like he wanted to say something.

Then they both spoke at the same time.

“I’m glad we’re friends.”
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end ;D

JOHNNY QUIZ!

2008-07-25T19:07:00.003+08:00

1. Which Johnny band is your favourite: i'm not sure at the moment... maybe KAT-TUN

2. Why: ueda is confusing at the moment

3. Who is your favourite Johnny: Ueda pl0x

4. Why: He's quiet and speaks when it's appropriate. He's mostly mature although he is childish at times. I like his smile and the way he works hard at boxing. He does not show off what he knows but obligingly demostrates when asked. Although he has a mysterious exterior, he gives off the feel of a reliable friend, one that would not constantly ask worthless questions or say useless things like "are you okay" when you obviously are not. He seems like will just sit next to you and wait until you feel like speaking. Although he's not that type that would provide an answer everytime, he will advise when you ask for it. I guess its one of those personalities i wish to have?

5. When is your very first contact with a Johnny: when i saw yamapi with shirota

6. Who was it: yamapi

7. How did you know him: i didn't. i just heard and assumed.

8. When actually did you really start listening/liking the JE: after NEWS

9. What incident brought you into JE: after i was interested in Shige's randomness

10. Do you have a favourite JE song: Nope. i have many

11. Do you listen to them the most: nope. recently i just switched to KAT-TUN

12. If not, who is your favourite band/artist: Hmm.. junno's voice attracts me at the moment

13. Which band/singer did you listen/like the most before JE: think it was english songs... SimplePlan?

KAT-TUN

14. Who is your favourite in Kat-tun: Ueda. Ueda. Ueda. and I have decided on what to call him when i see him. :D Ue-dan xD

15. Why: scroll up :)

16. Do you have a favourite song of Kat-tun: Signal

17. Do you have a favourite live of Kat-tun: When Ueda wore a seifuku in one of the concerts and when he is over enthusiastic in cartoon KAT-TUN

18. Do you have a favourite show appearance of Kat-tun: when they were in Okinawa with Tokoro George and acting like kids playing with his toys :D

19. Who do you think can sing the best of Kat-tun: Koki though he mostly raps

20. Who do you think can dance the most of Kat-tun: Junno

21. Who is the girliest of Kat-tun: Nakamaru lol opposite from Yuhan xD

22. Who is the manliest of Kat-tun: Koki he's the ~~yakuza~~ big ~~gangster~~ brother :D

23. Who is the cutest member of Kat-tun: ~~Ueda~~ ~~Junno~~ Ue-dan dan dan dan~ xD

24. Who is the funniest member of Kat-tun: junno :D i like his lame jokes :D

25. Who is the most prettiest in Kat-tun: UEA-DANNNN

26. Who has the best appearance in Kat-tun: Junno

27. Do you have a favourite PV of Kat-tun: Signal. and Real Face cuz Ueda was *!gasp* with Jin :D

NEWS

27. Who is your favourite in NewS: ~~KoyaShige~~ Shige :D

28. Why: He's really random and i like his ideas. He's quiet. I like his smile :D But i think i rather he and Koyama mix cuz i like both of their personalities :/

29. Do you have a favourite song of NewS: Hoshi wo Mezashite

30. Do you have a favourite live of NewS: Cherish

31. Do you have a favourite show appearance of NewS: Shige stripping :D/Shige being a fish on the bed :D/ Shige being bullied and force fed food :D

32. Who do you think can sing the best of NewS: Yamapi

33. Who do you think can dance the most of NewS: Massu

34. Who is the girliest of NewS: Tegoshi

35. Who is the manliest of NewS: Ryo. he's the alpha male that's really annoying :D

36. Who is the cutest member of NewS: Koyama :D Mama's the best XD

37. Who is the funniest member of NewS: Shige :D

38. Who is the most prettiest in NewS: Shige with long hair

39. Who has the best appearance in NewS: Massu. I like his hats :D Shige: Matches things well. Tego and Yamapi: Looks pretty much nice in everything. Ryo: He's the most normal?

40. Do you have a favourite PV of NewS: Weeeek and SUMMER TIME

Kanjani8

41. Who is your favourite in KanJani8: YamaDa :D and Yokoyama

42. Why: love their jokes :D

43. Do you have a favourite song of KanJani8: Kan-fuu fighting ! :D

44. Do you have a favourite live of KanJani8: YamaDa desu! Yey Yey!

45. Do you have a favourite show appearance of KanJani8: manzai competition in Osaka and yokoyama being hypnotised :D

46. Who do you think can sing the best of KanJani8: actually i have never heard their singles o.O

47. Who do you think can dance the most of KanJani8: Ohkura

48. Who is the girliest of KanJani8: Yassu :D

49. Who is the manliest of KanJani8: Subaru

50. Who is the cutest member of KanJani8: Yassu :D

51. Who is the funniest member of KanJani8: Yokoyama

52. Who is the most prettiest in KanJani8: Yassu XD

53. Who has the best appearance in KanJani8: Ohkura

54. Do you have a favourite PV of KanJani8: Wahaha and Kan-fuu fighting :D fan service xD

Arashi - from here on it will be appearance based cuz i never went into arashi at all lawls

55. Who is your favourite in Arashi: Sho Sakurai

56. Why: I like his name xD

57. Do you have a favourite song of Arashi: eh?

58. Do you have a favourite live of Arashi: see above

59. Do you have a favourite show appearance of Arashi: see above

60. Who do you think can sing the best of Arashi: Nino

61. Who do you think can dance the most of Arashi: Sho

62. Who is the girliest of Arashi: Aiba

63. Who is the manliest of Arashi: Ohno

64. Who is the cutest member of Arashi: Sho

65. Who is the funniest member of Arashi: MatsuJun

66. Who is the most prettiest in Arashi: Aiba

67. Who has the best appearance in Arashi: Ohno

68. Do you have a favourite PV of Arashi: nope

Other Units

69. Who is your favourite younger unit: A.B.C xD

70. Who is your favourite older unit: KinKi Kids

71. Do you have a favourite member of any younger or older unit: KOICHI!

72. Do you have a favourite song of any younger or older unit: Namida, hitohiro

73. Do you have a favourite show with any younger or older unit: Domoto Kyoudai

74. Do you have a favourite live of any younger or older unit: A.B.C's performance is nice although i don't really like their singing :D i prefer their dancing haha

Dramas

75. Do you have a favourite actor in JE: Koichi as Maizu Tsukasa :D

76. Do you have a favourite dorama starring with one of JE: Sushi Ouji and Kakure Karakuri (Shige) and Yamapi in Ikebukuro :D KOYAMA IN KUROSAGI! >D

77. What was your very first dorama staring with one of JE: eh. i think was Nobuta wo Produce

78. Which dorama of JE do you watch recently: the last dorama i watched was Ikebukuro

79. Which dorama of JE do you want to watch: KUROSAGI!

80. Who do you wish would should start acting, who hasn't yet: UEDA. act as my maiden please :D

81. Who do you wish should stop acting, because he sucks at acting or he should do something else instead: Ryo cuz his dramas are boring xD

Questions for fun!

82. Do you think that you are JE addicted: Yep

83. Why do you think so: Ueda.

84. What will you do seeing your favourite Johnny standing in front of your door: grab him by the shoulders and shake him :D screaming his name haha

85. What advantages does starting liking JE give you: a reason to live. a source of entertainment. funny jokes :D

86. What disadvantages does it give you: obesession lawls

87. How many times a day do you think about JE: every single day :D

88. How many times do you have the face of your favourite Johnny around you: over a few hundred :D

89. If your favourite Johnny or your favourite JE has to grant you a wish what would it be: be my really really close brother who lives with me :D

90. If you have a wish about JE, what would it be: inherit from Johnny-san :D

91. If you are reborn, you wish to be who: Junno :D he's tallll and he's great at acrobatics :D

92. If you are a Johnny's right now, who do you wish you are: Kame. I want his fame la. ;D

93. If you can ask your favourite Johnny or your favourite JE band a question, what would it be: wil you go out with me? XD

94. Did you ever had a dream with a Johnny: yea :D Junno my bodyguard lawls...

95. If yes, when was it and what was it? eh... smut? xD i wish la haha

96. Do you have any realizable goal in your life that has to do with JE: STALK KOYAMA! :D i'll camp out at his mum's ramen shop la :D

97. Do you like JE BL fanfic: yesyesyes.

98. If yes, who are the best couple of JE: Koyapi UeGuchi XD

99. If you are Johnny-san what would you change about JE: smoking shots D<

100. Do you like this survey: yea.... i realised that liking someone is easier then trying to define why you like them hahah....

2008-07-19T15:16:00.003+08:00

ueda! when he cries, he looks so beautiful that i would rather stare then comfort him. i want him close, probably a brother more then anything else.

it's QUIZ TIME :D

2008-07-17T13:38:00.007+08:00

Rules and Regulation of this quiz:

1) People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs & replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.

2) Tag people to do this quiz and those who are tagged cannot refuse.These people must state who they were tagged by and continue this game by sending it to other people those people must state who they are tagged by &cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by.

#If the sky was to drop what would you do?
Hug Ueda until the sky drops.

# If you had 3 wishes, what will that be?
1. Ueda
2. Kiel come to life
3. Mori come to life

# What will your dream wedding to be like?
4. something exquisite
3. traditional kimono
2. have it in Japan
1. with someone i can spend my life with.

# If there is one thing you can avoid, what is it?
doing pe

# What's your ideal lover like?
1. sensitive
2. humors my childishness
3. as pretty as ueda :D
4. Tall! like 1.8m

Which is more blessed? Loving someone or being loved by someone?
if i'm being loved by someone i love :D

How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?
it depends on the person

# If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
it really depends on the person.

# Is there anything that has made you unhappy these days?
yep.

# Have you ever not been able to get someone out of your head?
yep. longest was only a year and half, but i can't remember who it is anymore.

#Who are currently important people in your life?
friends, family. and idols :D

# Have you ever wanted someone but you knew you couldn't?
duh.

# Can you change the world?
if there's one hundred of me yes.

# What kind of person do you think the one who tagged you is?
i wanted to do this quiz haha koped from yuhan's blog

# What's the first thing you do every morning?
weekdays: "sian got school."
saturdays: "yey great dream"
sundays: "tml got school sian"

# During raining day, would you like a guy to walk with you or to shelter you?
only if the rain is reaally heavy like going to thunderstorm without an umbrella :D

# If you could have a superpower what would it be?
the ability to have many superpowers. i must have a lot so it'll complement mah :D

# What type of friends do you like?
what kind of question is this? you don't be friends with someone you don't like.

# Do you often wish that there is something you could change?
after i do something i'm unsure about.

# What type of friends do you dislike?
what kind of question is this? you don't be friends with someone you don't like. times 2

# If you have only 6 months to live what would you do?
ueda. actually KAT-TUN. NEWS. possibily Kanjani 8. Koichi! and go play with some cute dogs :D and amusement parks.

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If you could choose 10 people in your reverse harem who would it be?

hmmm... in no order of merit :D

1. Ueda
2. Junno
3. Shige
4. Koyama
5. Koichi
6. Tsubasa
7. Yasuda
8. Maruyama
9. Hyde
10. Gackt

ha.

2008-07-12T00:01:00.002+08:00

i come with 2 rhymes :D
ilovelitilovelitilovelit. i rever the arts and loathe the sports. sports make you healthy only if you don't over do it. or the sport does not involve teamwork.

Doll
You are sitting there
Like a prizing winning sculpture
Quiet like the wind
Glacial beauty

Never change for perfection will crumble
Which unearthly grandeur is able to exist
Blessed be those eyes looking
Unseeing

Pure, untainted
By neither black nor white
The twisted logic of society
The painful, whole emotions

Your exterior is enough
To comfort the wails tortured
An unfortunate tool for desire
For reality that is surreal

Cast this veil over and over
Heal those feelings that destroy
The sane mind that seeks sanctuary
In those unseeing eyes

/end.

Cross Over
Where is the beginning and the end
Of the undefined
Of which I’m blind
To purposely not see
But cannot ignore
No matter how much I try?

Must I subject myself
To his decree
To the silence
He bestows only to me
And take it all in
Like it’s a necessity?

I do not know true happiness
For I do not know the sadness
I only know the loneliness
But not the amity

I want to know pain
So as to experience the tenderness
What’s familiar is a blank
Accompanied by total chaos

In this disarray is the equanimity
Like the heart of a hurricane
Where warmth and affection gather
After leaving devastation

Perhaps I need something
To exacerbate this situation
Turning it extreme
Turning it more real
Transforming the negative
Perhaps into something I want to know

Are you listening?

/end.

happy birthday

2008-07-10T23:31:00.002+08:00

Tml is Shige's birthday! So, happy birthday in advance :D
Anyway, I still like you!! No matter how much your hair changes, no matter how much you talk, no matter how idiotic you can be and no matter how much i change my perferences, i still like you! i hope you will pass your law exams quickly with flying colours so you can concentrate on NEWS. Although i know you can do it since you're so smart... :D
but remember to take care! Koyama will help haha...
*sends cats*

ja ne.

harhars

2008-07-10T19:59:00.001+08:00

ZOMG THANKS SARAH YOU'VE MADE MY DAY AND GAVE ME MOTIVATION TO DO HOMEWORK!

haha he's younger then me o.O

2008-07-10T19:39:00.005+08:00

YES! THANKS SARAH YOU'VE MADE MY DAY AND GAVE ME MOTIVATION TO DO MY HOMEWORK!!

fukuzatsu na kimochi

2008-07-03T20:16:00.003+08:00

Something's wrong with my computer's internet gah SUGOI DAI-DAI-DAI KIRAI! urusai desu kara.

I need the internet! the fourth best invention after electricity. (1st:electricity. 2nd: aircon. 3rd:computers.)

RULES:
1. Put Your iTunes/Windows Media Player/ETC on Shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.
4. Put any comments in brackets after the song name.
5. Put this on your journal

1. If someone says, "Is this okay?" You say?
Niji by Aquatimez( rainbow) lawls

2. How would you describe yourself?

Nan Nen Tatte Mo by KAT-TUN

o.O has no idea that this's song is about cuz it's new

3.What do you like in a girl/guy?

So Fine, Rocketman by V.West has no idea that this is about either cuz it's my sis's list of songs lols... my computer being DUMB! DDDD<

4.How do you feel today?

WEEEK by NEWS LAWL so true hahahaha! :D

5.What is your life's purpose?

Someday for Somebody by KAT-TUN lawls another true one hahah

6.What is your motto?

Eden by Kanjani8 lawls.... the only eden i know of is that it's a synonym for paradise...

7. What do your friends think of you?

Osaka Rainy Blues by Kanjani8 lols....

8. What do you think of your parents?

ZOMG! it's Cherish by NEWS lawls... ma. ma.

9.What do you think about very often?

Lovin' U BY KAT-TUN lawls... sounds like Jin's kind of song lawls

10.What is 2 + 2?

it's MA.JI.DE. by Subaru from K8 muahahha! :DDD

11.What do you think of your best friend?

LIPS by KAT-TUN XOMFG! ahha.... has no comment to that.

12.What do you think of the person you like?

Ai Ai gasa KARAOKE VERSION.... lawls so sappy sia... so it means that i'll only think about it but not do it cuz it's a minus one track muahaha :D

13.What is your life story?

Taiyou no Kodomo by K8(children of the sun?) lawllawllawl :D i'm getting sunburnt hahas

14.What do you want to be when you grow up?

With Me by NEWS lawls....

15.What do you think of when you see the person you like?

Real Face by KAT-TUN true. true. and it's one of my favourites :D

16.What will you dance to at your wedding?

Funky Town Osaka (F.T.O) by K8 LAWL 8DDDDDDD

17.What will they play at your funeral?

Miso Soup by TegoMasu. ZOmg so... nice liddat hahaha.... kinda fitting anyway...

18.What is your hobby/interest?

Aoku Yasashiku o.O by Kobukuro lawls

19.What is your biggest fear?

it's! Speedy Wonder by K8 what the.... D8

20.What is your biggest secret?

Hoshi wo Mezashite~

21.What do you think of your friends?

Yume Monotagari (Tsubasa's) lawls ._.

22.What will you post this as?

Zukkoke Otokomichi! lawls another one of my favourites haha

23.What song would you play during your first time having sex?

Zutto. woo~ xD not love song or lovexxx or daite senorita ar since my sis listens to it so much lawls

ryopi fic

2008-06-27T22:27:00.003+08:00

Title: Peacock
Pairing: Ryopi

Yamapi stirred from his slumber after sensing that the older boy’s movements. He woke to find him staring at his laptop. Ryo cocked his head to one side as his eyebrows furrowed, as if in deep thought. Yamapi looked at him and said nothing. Ryo’s face was one of many emotions. His face conveyed that said someone had just told him something he didn’t want to hear but he wasn’t going to honor it by giving it a response..

Yamapi yawned and did not bother to ask. He knew that Ryo will start talking soon enough if it weighed heavily on his mind. He stared back lazily at Ryo’s face, and soon after, Ryo said it.

“Ne, Pi do you think I’m like a peacock?”

Yamapi was mildly surprised but did not show any acknowledgement of that he had an answer to that question. Yamapi raised a hand slowly and traced the lode of Ryo’s ear. That question was completely unexpected as Ryo always dismissed things instantly if he did not know the answer. Then again, Ryo did not know answers to many other things. That is why Ryo always nitpicks and criticises things he does not know. Yamapi had learnt that going against Ryo by questioning him back is almost suicidal and childish. Hence it was better to give in then causing a rift in their relationship (although making up after that was almost worth arguing.
So, in fact, Yamapi shouldn’t be surprised at all by that question, judging from Ryo’s temperament.

“Pi,” Ryo’s eyebrows drew even closer, almost like a very peeved, pretty bird.

The peacock question. Yamapi stopped moving his hand, which was twirling Ryo’s hair. Yamapi had seen peacocks before at the zoo and he thought they were regal, proud birds. Peacocks had a beautiful plumage which expands meters wide; a sight to behold. Brillant shades of emerald and sapphire. That was only the appearance. Peacocks are not songbirds by nature. The squawking was deafening and they argued unabashedly if another peacock comes too close to their territory.

Ryo was the epitome of regal. He, however did not live in a greenhouse like his nemesis, Ueda from another group. However, he was still pampered by his Osakan counterparts which was deplorable. When Ryo dislikes something, he will instantly inform you of that fact, which was sometimes annoying and hurting. He did that to Yamapi once and Yamapi just threw what ever he was holding onto the floor and walked off. His voice was not the best but better then average. During a concert, fangirls practically screamed their heads off and (to Yamapi’s dismay) fanboys also stalked Ryo. Yamapi half believed that Ryo could even feed on his fans’ love.
Hence, yes, Ryo is a peacock. But he is Yamapi’s peacock, nobody else’s, but his to claim, his to show affection to.

“Of course not,” Yamapi pulled Ryo against his chest and nuzzled his shoulder.
“These quizzes are always inaccurate,” Ryo jabbed at the keyboard in disgust and forgot about it.

Yamapi just smiled in Ryo’s shirt.

my hime

2008-06-26T22:38:00.002+08:00

Ueda:

Everlasting

Dorky

Affection

The

Ambiguous!

The

Sexy!

Ueda

Yoku

Aru

KokiPi - Byakkotai

2008-06-17T22:53:00.002+08:00

KokiPi - Byakkotai

Yamapi reminded Koki of autumn. The season of brilliantly coloured leaves, also known as fall. The saturated redness cannot be compared to the fresh blood that will be spilled. This year, the leaves displayed its brightest hue, also keeping the darkest secret.
---------------------------
“After being schooled and trained for so long, we are finally deployed in an official mission! I am so excited!” Koki was elated and was jumping all over the place, almost stepping on Yamapi.

“Oy. Even so, I would rather wish for this war to end and for peace to come again. I am not afraid to leave everything behind and die, but to imagine the worst, that the war continues; it would be a bitter fight to the end.” Yamapi mused, saddened by the prospect of many killings yet to come.

“It’s to protect our beloved Aizu, and also protect the interests of Japan, or so the commanders would have said.” Koki’s enthusiasm was somewhat dampened by Yamapi’s solemn mood. “This is what we have been preparing for, to go out with a big bang. I’ll never forget the training we went through. It was harsh, but fun and we made many friends.” Koki sat down and leaned against Yamapi’s back.

“Yes, it was fun. But this time it is a real war. You better not let your guard down because they’ll probably jump out at you, right Kuma?” Yamapi scratched the dog behind his ears affectionately. “ And you’ll scream. I’ll dress your wound for you but I won’t suck your blood, baka.”

“Urusei! Koki turned slightly pink, remembering Sayoko’s gentle touch and skillful work. “That was just an accident. Besides you’ll make my wound fester, baka!”

They both laughed. Fifteen was not the age to see such violence. Fifteen was the age of playfulness and innocence, not preparing for a glorious death on the battle field. This thought was driven deep into their hearts, and they have no choice except complete what they were taught to do.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
At this stage of the war, bloodshed was inevitable. Chaos reigned people’s hearts and murders were done even in the day. After the first clash, there was little left standing, and the living were only shadows of the hope they had brought to the battle field, which only reflected the prophesied fall of Aizu.

Members of the Byakkotai were inexperienced greenhorns; their first time in their last battle. Inevitably, only a handful of them were left. Naturally, they had to perform hara-kiri.

Koki wondered where Yamapi went. “Ne, did you see Yamapi?”

“No. If he was lucky enough he would have died a painless death.” His friend replied rather shakily.

“I was just thinking that it would be sad to die alone…” Koki did not pursue the matter further. He turned and commanded everyone to do the ritual. He was the leader now. If the leader falters, the other members would also be affected. He had to be strong and not rely on Yamapi anymore. He was gone. He himself would also be gone, physically, but he will remain in his mother’s heart. He wished now he had not pushed his mum’s tender speech away. He heard his special lullaby that his mum would tempt him to sleep and the sweet dangos she made.

Be still, heart. And be brave.

Koki took a deep breath and drew his wakizashi. There was no turning back; not even to bid farewell to his comrades around him. He closed his eyes, held the wakizashi as if in prayer. He prayed for his mum to not feel extreme grief at his death. This was not a choice he can discard. It was his only path. He positioned the sharp blade, preparing to plunge it deep. He closed his eyes; a solitary tear.

Goodbye, everyone.

A rough hand stopped his blade. Koki saw those eyes of his closest friend. He released his hold on his blade. It fell.

He felt the red wetness of his friend’s hand on his lips.

“Samurais are of a sakura colour even when dead. Even when we die, we cannot lose living spirit. But we are alive, and you are paler then a sheet.”

to be continued?
------------------------------------------------

YUHAN SHOULD I CONTINUE. haha

Ueda and Shige~

2008-06-17T20:19:00.003+08:00

1. An Ueda A Day Helps You Work, Rest and Play
2. All you need is an Ueda and a dream.
3. Do the SHIGE.

4. If only eveything in life was as reliable as a SHIGE.

Ueda and Shige~

2008-06-17T20:19:00.002+08:00

1. An Ueda A Day Helps You Work, Rest and Play
2. All you need is an Ueda and a dream.
3. Do the SHIGE.
4. If only eveything in life was as reliable as a SHIGE.

If Shigeshige = frequently, then:

i shigeshige change my preferences hahahahhas ;D

infatuation?

2008-06-14T18:51:00.004+08:00

腹減った !
Ueda can't cook haha and him being forced to cook is very amusing ;D cuz when he said that he can't cut vegetables Kame gave him a very sad and helpless face and said he can't do everything alone. hahaha! Hime!

He looked like he was going to cry while listening to nostagic songs. ZOMG too cute! I'm melting hahah and I replayed that part and took a screen cap. Somehow it looks sexy ahah! I'm a S! YES! His in-the-rain face makes him look like he's wounded and you want to hug him and reassure him haha.... Like he is trying not to cry but he did a little bit it's like i wanted to care for him haha. That didn't happen with Shige o.O
I'm liking him too much! Is going to be sad when it's over. I feel bad for abandoning Shige because it feels like i forced myself to keep liking him. My attention span is around six months, which is sad. Gackt lasted until I liked Shige. Which is really short. Two months? It's getting longer anyway. I should be somewhat happy haha.
anyway, he'll invade my mind for a while now. as long as he continues to be amusing and interesting. See, i learn something new about him everyday! ;D

Someone is playing Barney downstairs and it's annoying haha.

ueda again ;D

2008-06-14T11:10:00.003+08:00

i can tell why he loves his hands ;D they are pretty. but he's going to get a permanent bumb on the third knuckle since he's doing boxing. o.O his fingers are too pretty! haha like his face xD

why do Shige and Ueda's smiles seem so fake when they are taking pictures?!
But their laughing face is definitely great! Shige and Ueda please don't frown when taking pictures! haha.
i want pictures of their laughing face! Candid pictures are the best. Koki said something like taking a picture with the film of your heart, which is so deep but he made me laugh because it doesn't suit the image he's trying to portray. And he acts like a total retard when he's in front of the camera haha!
KATTUN liking ranking for today!
1. Ueda
2. Koki
3. Kame
4. Maru
5. Jin and Junno

Junno is funny but his english pronounciation makes me want to poke him haha!

ja itekimasu~

ueda hime~

2008-06-12T17:53:00.000+08:00

ueda! he dances so sexily haha ;D i wants his clothes ;D

update? ueda's invading my brain!

2008-06-11T14:07:00.004+08:00

Tagged from yuhan harharhar ;D (stop laughing :D)

1. Current craze?
Hats. Someone buy me one!
2. What do you want to do now?
Muscle toning, which i am doing while watching funny shows.
3. What would you be doing at 6.15pm?
Still watching random shows.
4. Do you hate your friends sometimes?
If I hate them they wouldn't be my friends.
5. Where do you wish to die?
Currently, Ueda's arms. Cliche as it sounds.
6. Do you believe in seeing a rainbow after a rain?
I like rain better.
7. What impossible things do you wish to do?
Fly.
8. Your darkest secret?
Is still a secret.
9. Are you happy with your life now?
Nope.
10. What if your crush ask you out?
It depends on the way it is asked and my mood and probably the person who asked.
11. Describe your other half:
It's a mirror!
12. What feelings do you hate most?
That I like all of them.
13. Do you cherish every friendships of yours?
I quote a JE junior for fun: "Friendship=Betrayal" <<<
It's important as it's a loyalty thing.
14. What are you looking forward in the coming week?
Returning my library books.
15. The most important thing in your life?
The cracks and laughter.
16. Who do you always hope to be always there for you?
Some imaginary person in my head.
17. Do you find life meaningless?
I'm still here, so no. I live for bullying people and the laughter.
18. Who do you love most?
(Sorry Shige) Currently Ueda-hime.
19. The craziest thing you have ever done?
It's not crazy since I'm crazy hurhur.
20. What is your greatest wish?
Meet NEWS, KATTUN, Kanjani8, KinKi Kids, Tackey to Tsubasa, Gackt in my dreams every night. Please let it be my nightmare. It's enough if they're there harhar.
21. The sweetest thing you have ever done for someone:
It's sweet in the eye of the receiver.
Instructions : remove one question from above and replace it with your own.
Tag 8 people, list them down and notify them through their tagboard:
Can I don't do this? xD I have very little to tag harhar not to mention I'm lazy.

Chapter 1 of Ryopi fic. ;D

2008-05-22T14:13:00.006+08:00

Chapter 1
pairing: ryopi
-----
Nobody knows this story, but I’ll tell it to you slowly. I can feel the hesitation of your heart, but I will give my everything to remove it. Everything.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It was twilight. The sun was not exactly setting, but it was not really night either. There was a cool breeze. It rippled through his hair. I reached and touched it. He smiles, just acknowledging my touch. I move closer, and put my hand on his waist. He pulls me closer, and we are pressed close together, alone on the beach. It is peaceful, and it was almost deserted. It is getting dark. I wonder if he wants to leave. I look at his closed eyes. I traced his lips. He does not move. His face is a permanent smile. I leaned, resting my head against his collarbone. Then he carries me, but I am not startled by his actions. We headed back to his car. He does not say anything. It is almost eerily quiet now. Somehow I am afraid to speak and break his tranquil silence. I can’t see his face; the car is too dark. I stare at his back. I did not notice him looking at me through the rear view mirror until we stopped at a red light. I am startled, but how his eyes glimmer, with emotion which I cannot place. I almost spoke, but I stopped. I did not know why I stopped.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
At his house, it was empty. Surgically clean and unbearably clean. This was the first time I felt scared. He seems… empty too. Just the shell left behind. Did I do anything wrong? I am almost afraid to disobey him. He hands me a towel. I take it meekly, and went to bathe. Surprisingly, he enters too. Usually he has to chase me out. It was unusual for him to come.
“You forgot your clothes.”
“Oh, thanks,”
I feel my cheeks hot. I am disappointed with the outcome, but relieved at the same time.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A hand. On my lap. Moving. I try to swat it away, but my hands felt like lead. I put in more effort and discover that my hands are tied up. I am blindfolded. I struggle, trying to shout. I was unsuccessful.
“Don’t move, you’ll hurt yourself.”
Yamapi? He sounds drunk. I stop moving. I whimper; it hurts. Did it hurt this much before? I start to move myself, but is held back. This feeling is unbearable, yet I find myself highly aroused. I move to his rhythm. I shouldn’t be doing this. I should help him. But my body disobeys me. Sounds of pleasure escapes from me. I want more. He knows all my weak spots. I want release.
"Not yet."
He speaks, as if he can read my mind. My breath is ragged now, and his hand is too sensous.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It's morning. I ache all over, and remember, and blushed. It was unusual for me, to be so easily lured into showing my weak sides. I don't sense him. The window to the balcony is open. A gentle breeze floats in; I want to see him. I find a letter, which I did not read. Where is he?
---------------------------
>>>>> chapter 1 end <<<<<

2008-05-22T12:36:00.001+08:00

yay exams are officially over ;D

inspire me la :D

2008-05-12T22:31:00.002+08:00

Yuhan's murder fic --> my inspiration --> song/poem
:D enjoy~ i need a title harhar. critique also can :D

------------------------------
Moments are just a touch of time that we spend together
Yet they are what I love most as they are forever
Though the cynical you may argue eternity is impossible
You still promise me wholeheartedly “forever”

Seven days and seven nights of a week together
Spending one second apart from you makes my heart a-flutter
You can’t help but smile at my childish behaviour
I don’t mind for I love your laughter

If only now I could start over
This regret that I for a moment not hold you dear
Haunts me day night whenever
The conclusion is only you I revere

Why did I not cherish the time we had instead
Why did I take it for granted
But it is too late for sorrys
It is too late to turn back
It is too late for you have gone

My efforts of getting closer were for naught
Dashed easily by your single swift action
No time for a salacious goodbye
You have left my heart here to die

Now this circle has come to an end
Till the end of time this story will stand
Where the winner, none
And the loser everyone.
---------------------------------------------

sunday blues.

2008-05-11T21:43:00.003+08:00

woo. yuhan gave me a nice idea for poem/song ;D which was coupled by me incurable hatred and boredom ;D
>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<< If the time could stop

Asking for the time to stop
Wanting the impossible
Dreading the present
Driven by a childish fear.

Feeling none the better
When the next day drew near
Cuz it was just the start of the other
An empty day to endure.

If the time could really stop
If I was granted my wish
If I really had time
Would it really suffice?

You were already gone
And I am all alone
You were already gone
Nothing for me will resume
You were already gone
And taken my heart with you
If only you were still here
This time I will say “I love you”

Asking for the time to stop
Is equal to painting the sun blue
Hating every single moment
Lost in the crowd alone.

For every other thing I hold dear
Now I relinquish it
Cuz it was all the things you gave me
I do not deserve it.

Only you make me really happy
Only you can fully control
Only you make me aware
Isn’t it too late for me?

They say Time will heal
I seriously doubt it
They say Time will heal
Why isn’t it working for me?
They say Time will heal
How long would that be?
If only you were still here
This time I will say “I love you”
>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<

ryo's shirt.

2008-05-04T19:22:00.002+08:00

i just realised that ryo's shirt says is godd dead? o.o

reconstruction

2008-05-04T18:06:00.002+08:00

it's a reconstruction!
no really. the picture's in middle of making what ever. haha.

tanjoubi omedetou!

2008-05-01T17:11:00.003+08:00

小山さん、誕生日おめでと！
So, to celebrate i shall watch some show with koyama in it~
~~Shige enjoy yourself tonight~~
i mean, koyama have fun! :D ryo stop bullying him for a while haha.

blogskin

2008-04-28T20:21:00.003+08:00

harhar ok i also want a new blog skin! ;D brushes please lols..
i suck at making such things.. shall try though ;D

prettyandwarmlies

2008-04-26T15:26:00.003+08:00

Dear Koyama-san,

Hey. How have you been? I guess it is difficult for both of us. I tried to blame myself. I tried to shoulder all the burden, but I ended up hurting you even more.
Haha. I guess i really like to torture myself.
A S and M person. I was feeling really lousy last night. So I made myself feel worse today.
I guess it needed something to make it spill over. Maybe I was hoping for something.
So I feel better. Anything. It is hard to live. But that is what makes it enjoyable.
Maybe I live because you are here. Because seeing your smile makes it worthwhile. It is a pity.
Even fate that let us meet prevents us from being together. I think I don't know you well enough to understand your feelings now. I certainly am confused by mine.
Yet slowly, after this dies down, I will try and return. Even though nothing is forever I will do my best to make it last forever.
Just wait for me.
And believe.

From,
Kato Shigeaki

------------------------------------

harhar. has no idea about plot really.

絶対に許さない

2008-04-25T22:31:00.004+08:00

Mood level's low. I can't type coherently.
Life's unfair. Yes. I agree. That is why I will make it horrible for others too.
I hate free loaders. They don't deserve success of other's hardwork. If you can't juggle your other commitments with school work, choose one to focus on. One that doesn't drag other's down, or you will be thrown overboard. Not even the captain of the ship can save your sorry skin, so bribing is only a short term method. Because when we get to shore, even the captain will suffer the same fate. You may be good at something, doesn't mean you can improve it at other's expense. It is very tiring for others. Not to mention that leeching praise for something you did not do, arguing that you did something and you are not in the wrong is on the same degree of being mentally unsound.
YOU did NOT do anything. For teamwork EVEN IN SCHOOL WORK, doing something means you do it willingly. Not being forced and dragged to do it. Moreover, do the WHOLE ASSIGNMENT. NOT ONLY THE FIRST PART. Which person would be so blatantly thickskined to argue that it is passable? Why don't you do that for your other commitments instead? Save your arguments and explain to the REAL captain of the ship. I really cannot and will not tolerate that type of APATHETIC, FUCKED UP, INSOLENT, INCONSIDERATE AND RUDE BEHAVIOUR.
Other people are blind to them or are sympathetic doesn't mean the WHOLE WORLD WOULD. I ABSOLUTELY LOATHE AND DESPISE THAT SORT OF THINKING. So, YOU have to change, or PACK UP AND LEAVE. There are ways to save your pathetic self. Either you cope or you quit. And for YOUR LEVEL OF INTELLECT, I'll recommend to quit. The important part in life is also knowing when to quit.
YOUR CONSCIENCE WILL AND MOST DEFINITELY HAUNT YOU.
Because I am SICK of wasting this anger on SUCH A BARBARIAN.

Fly To Sky, With NEWS!

2008-04-24T13:30:00.002+08:00

yay. more drabbles please.
i need to improve my languages to criticise more people (:

fanfic ;D

2008-04-21T22:50:00.002+08:00

fanfic. ending is bad. very bad. a lot of things never explain ahaha.... but. my brain is fried and i don't care xD i like looking at ikura but dont like eating. the oil taste is horrible cuz it's too oily lawls. note to self: eat things ryo likes with caution.
now to the fic! ;D
---------------
------------------------
---------------
The sunshine was the first thing I noticed when I first came to. There was a tall figure lying at the table near me. I had no idea how I came to be in the hospital. Only that person was the answer to my many questions.

So I found out that I fell and hit my head hard on the pavement. Then I realized I did not know my name. My parents couldn’t be contacted. Nor my friends. And i realized he was all I knew. He told me that I had amnesia. I may forget what will happen when I regain my other memories, so I’m supposed to keep a diary.
So, my other self, what did you do when you were on the pavement? Why weren’t you careful?

Shiro-san is very kind to me. He gave me lodging and even offered to take care of me. He said it’s his responsibility as he found me. I am very grateful to him. I hope I will not forget him when I regain my other memories.

Each day was lazy. I found out that I can play the guitar. I love red bean. I wonder what I liked before this. Maybe I am a musician. I tried to find out about my past from Shiro-san. It seemed that he knew the past me, as he was shocked when I told him that I like red bean. Maybe I didn’t like red bean in the past.
He always told me not to worry about my past. He said that it is more interesting that way and it’s like my new lease of life. So I began to notice things around me.

Like that I don’t really know much about Shiro-san’s background, except that he has weird friends. Shiro-san has a melancholic smile. I tried asking him about what caused this, but he just brushed it off and said it was nothing. From then on I tried not to make him sad.
----
I caught him dancing today. He looked embarrassed when I asked him to teach me. The dance is easy and the beat is very catchy. I learnt many dance moves and he even offered to teach me the lyrics to the songs. I think my favourite would be best friend. His friends were surprised then they saw that I learnt the steps so quickly.
----
When Shiro-san almost got knocked down by a car, I realized how much I felt for him. I hope he accepts me on his birthday. It is 2 days from now. I have decided on my surprise.
----------------
--------------
--------------

“Oh! He’s awake!”
“How many fingers do you see?”“You were unconscious for a day!”

“Uhh… what happened?2. Really? Shige answered Tego, Massu and Ryo together.
“Why am I here? All I remembered was hitting my head…”
“Eh read this.” Shige read it. “Why isn’t there an ending? What am I supposed to do with it?”

“Ah!” Shige suddenly sat up very quickly when Koyama entered.
“Happy birthday, Keii-chan.”

2008-04-20T19:54:00.002+08:00

hoo yay~
sharing 2 random pics >D

badday.

2008-04-13T19:20:00.001+08:00

is sick. and tired. and terribly and utterly unfocused. <--- haha. i'll probably get a headache, but not severe enough to skip school. i'm falling sick over a few days already. yet there's no climax. just a gradient of zero. maths killed my brain. literature also killed my brain. history didn't. because i can't be bothered to do. PI killed me long ago. and i have no resolve to do a good PI. i need a change of mind. anyone? hitler is bad. he oppressed the poor homosexuals. but i like homos. and hitler. yay for contradiction. and i should be doing my work instead of this. wow. that was my meagre concentration's input. i need a bigger RAM. i keep crashing. i needed to restart like five times today. and i'm really catching a virus. a flu virus. i can't seem to run fast enough after my nose. and there's data that just stuck itself to my memory. it keeps popping out after i forgot about it. then i get reminded again. and lag somewhat. the worst thing is, i can't delete it. rebooting is impossible. i'm getting sick of this. really sick.
literally and metaphorically.

now to get input a.k.a dinner.

yoroshiku onegaishimasuuuu~

2008-04-09T18:44:00.002+08:00

happy birthday yamapi~

from where he was going to eat his cake ;D

if only.

2008-04-07T21:30:00.001+08:00

when the era of human like robots come around, will i be as crazy? humanoid, like in Absolute Boyfriend. then again, it's only a boyfriend. nothing closer, nothing less intimate. though i''ll also like to design one, just for me. even though there might be a tendency for me to change according to my mood xD
more on this later. tomorrow. wednesday. if i have time hurhur. ;/
right now, i want a shige lookalike more then shige himself. because i think i might not be able to accept some of his personality traits, because the image i know of him is probably different from the true him. i don't want to short change shige ^^;; so i'll rather shape the image of shige in my own mind. sorry shige! ^^;;
but! gambatte! i'll work for something i feel that i'm worthy of! ;D

why don't you just drop dead?

2008-04-07T16:33:00.002+08:00

things i'd do to isutt <<<<< style="color:#cccccc;">41 WAYS TO COPE WITH ISUTT.

PHYSICALLY TORTURE HIM.
1. strangle him.
2. stuff toilet paper in his mouth.
3. shave him bald and stuff his hair in his mouth.
4. tie him upside-side down to a tree and wait for him to stave until he's skinny enough to slide down himself.
5. control bees to sting his mouth so his lips will swell like mad so he'll shut up.
6. safety pin his mouth.
7. stitch up his mouth.
8. glue his mouth together.
9. make him slap himself until his mouth bleeds.
10. ram his bottle in his mouth.
11. punch out his teeth.
12. stuff his hands in his mouth then tie him up.
13. stuff chilli, sambal, lemon, bitter gourd and seal his mouth with hot wax.
14. staple his mouth together.
15. stick needles into him. anywhere but the eyes because i want him to see himself being tortured.
16. slam his whole face into the glass door.
17. tie his legs to the opposite hands from the back and dangle him like a trussed chicken.
18. make him lick his shoes.
19. tie his tongue to a pole so he'll never be able to close his mouth.
20. stuff hot charcoal in his mouth.
21. stuff dry ice in his mouth.

MENTALLY TORTURE HIM.
22. make him listen to a tape saying "i'm a noisy fucktard" for 3 days straight.
23. lock him in a room indefinitely.
24. say "you're so stupid you don't know?" (increasing pitch)everytime he asks a question.
25. disturb him by talking to the "invisible person" beside him everytime he tries to talk to you.
26. when he asks who are you talking to with "you crazy ar?" or without say only intelligent people can see and hear my friend, unlike you who fails even at breathing.
27. hide his spectacles. then, make him break it by sitting on it. (i really pity the chair.)
28. make fun of his handwriting.
29. make fun of the way he speaks.
isutt:"but then is like...., i mean it's like...."
you: " but then it's like, you are so retarded. i mean it's like you so obviously fail at life."
30. ignore him when he speaks to you. then later pass him a note that is hand written "i think you lost your voice. because i only see your fat lips flapping. then when i called you never answer. i'm so glad that you're mute and dumb! (insert smiley face)
31. say "since you don't know you shuold do research and find out." for everything he asks.
32. NOT FOR PEOPLE WHO DON'T WANT TO TOUCH HIM. purposely walk into him then say "you were there meh?"
33. dump his bag near the dustbin when he tries to sit with you at breaks.
34. record yourself saying " [insert his bloody name] sucks!" and set as ringtone. then tell him to call you because you want him to listen to your ringtone. set to max and hold next to his ear so it'll blast.
35. say "wahlao [insert bloody name]!" every 1 minute then shake your head and gice him the i-can't-believe-you-are-so-stupid sigh.
36. spill drinks over him and say "wah your stupidity spreading! it made me trip!"
37. slam his table suddenly then go aaah! if attempting repeated times,
38. flip his table or do something surpprising each time.
39. call him by any other name but [insert bloody name]. then if doesn't answer literally shake him and say "are you all right?! you don't even recognise your name!"
40. point at him and laugh. when he asks look at him in a sweeping motion [down to up or vice versa]and start laughing again.
41. say he wore his school pants backwards. then force him to go and change or else you won't let him out of the toilet.

requiem

2008-04-06T19:16:00.001+08:00

requiem; song to celebrate the dead.
i want shige to write a song for me when i'm dead. heh.

frustration

2008-04-02T20:29:00.001+08:00

gah. i'm not creative. thanks la.
i'm the most contradictory person on earth. yay.
but being contradictory is good because i get best of both worlds in a way.
not to mention also undecisive.
why? i like to keep my options open.
i seriously have a problem. help. help help help.
*imagines someone looking like Shige/Mori/Hitsugaya/[Anyone else I've so pathethically forgotten.]
i'm sick of feeling guilty even for things i did not do.
it's like i'm trying to accomadate to everyone.

my name has a lot of peculiar meanings and quite famous people have the name too.
in surname of first name
i'm so not honoured.

tasuketekure.

2008-03-30T20:48:00.002+08:00

where are you? aren't you coming yet? you know that i hate to kept waiting, right? so why aren't you here yet? this psychological shock can kill, you know?

shige abuses exclaimation marks. way too much.

White Day~

2008-03-14T19:57:00.002+08:00

「もしも明日　世界が　なくなったらどうする？」

You looked so disappointed when I couldn't reply. Was there a special answer you wanted to hear? I can't help but feel my heart crumble when your face went blank. Somehow with my thoughtless words, you seemed to become fainter. "Being inarticulate, I am unable to express what I want to say" was my first thought. But, what had I really wanted to express then? I couldn't even understand myself. This realisation scared me. I caught myself blanking out while thinking about this. I want to give you a proper answer. The distance between us grows. I want to stop it before it becomes a chasm that I will never be able to cross again. As we meet to go home together like always, the silence that surrounds us resounds in my head. I clench my hand hard enough to leave marks. I need to say something. I have to. Before I lose something that is so very dear to me.
At rehearsals you speak only when you are spoken to and when you need to. Somehow the other members are oblivious that you are not your usual cheery self. Listening to Yamapi's humming of Gomen ne Juliet, I asked myself " Is it really like that?" I want... to change that. Colours... you were humming. Reflexively I pulled you to a secluded place.
My answer... even though I have no idea how to express myself, I will try to make you understand, as long as you can smile again for me. "My answer to your question.... I..." My heart leaped when his eyes flickered for a moment. "the colours we see with our eyes are actually the result of things absorbing and reflecting light. The light which we see with our eyes is divided according to its wavelength into red, orange, yellow, green, blue and violet. For example, an apple appears red because it reflects the red light which has a long wavelength, while absorbing the other colors. To make it short, the colours we see with our eyes is actually the light which is being disliked and told, "I won't pick you up! Go away!" The colours of things are made up of disliked light, and if they had a different color, it would make me feel sick. You wouldn't like if people were blue all over, would you. We've come to take the colors for granted which make up the world around us. The light which is disliked by all things is loved by us, it is changed into something necessary which we cannot live without. Being influenced by the disliked light that we see with our eyes, colors are really something tricky.I like pictures of the sky. The blue that sky and sea dislike makes us feel incredibly calm. The sky in the middle of the night shows us a brilliant moon by disliking black. The light which I dislike, how does it paint me? It would be great if I disliked a beautiful "color". Because you do, and I will spend whatever's left of my life with you."

Dreams

2008-03-12T11:47:00.001+08:00

Okay... How should I start this? And by the way, it really rained when I went to sleep last night. So it could be that that caused the funny dream I had.
So... my dream sort of started like this... as far i can remember.
It was in a world where humans are mercenary. At this black market, there was an auction of mutated humans. Humans who tried to change and get rid of their weakness by modifying their DNA and injecting various substances into their body. They all succeeded. But, of course, they wouldn't be captive. They had caused destruction and chaos in the world. But how were they caught in the first place?
This change causes some humans who mutate naturally to accomodate with this destruction. An Order was then set up to deal with this. They were to protect what ever was left of the peace. They had caught countless dangerous monsters, once humans whom had changed so drastically that they were beyond recognition. Of these monsters, only one was left at large. There were still many minor beasts wandering as their power was too weak to transform completely. If they tried to force themselves, they would implode, leaving bloody messes in shape of which ever animal they tried to merge with. This Order, consists half humans half monsters. Their powers were always kept to 10% when fighting and not more then 50% could be released. Although there are some exceptionally skilled fighters with magnificant control, who can release up to 80% and not get taken over completely by their feral instincts.
-back to the black market-
Some members were undercover at the black market. They were there mainly to protect the merceneries and second, to capture the lone monster that lurked within mankind. this monster was especially tricky and skilled, for it was able to return to human form after transforming to it's ultimate form. The longer and often their powers were used, the features of their animals will appear and it'll be more difficult to control each power surge.

-my dreams jumps to this rabbit creature that somewho escapes-
This rabbit had a horse-like tail, a deliberate attempt to combine two animals. Somehow this creature was lucky and able to hold the transformation. After this creature was bought or hired by the highest bidder, it went up to another bidder's rabbit creature and tried to provoke a fight, which results in a bloody death of that bidder and his creature. Apperantly this rabbit went crazy at the sight of blood and tried to go on a killing spree. Fortunately it was reined in by it owner,but not before this rabbit ripping out another creature's bob tail and eating it. <------ good thing it's sort of censored in my brain >.>
The rabbit actually shrugged and said "I rather give up my tail then dying."
----------------------------
Then it fast forwards to some sort of destruction. Which is that the world is at war. Somehow, this remaining monster managed to free some of the more dangerous creatures. And since this dream is "controllable", I am like in the elite team of fighters >.> And yep, Gaara is in my team. But I don't know why, but ya. And he's damn cute up close!! *fangirl kyaa~* And we're partners. But it's not the time to fangirl. Gaara needs my help, but only one person can make it to safety. But like I've said that this dream is somehow "controllable", Gaara and I managed to get out of the falling debris. Which then we meet this monster. The monster is... a mix of Soi Fon and the guy who creates spiderwebs from sangokushi... the koumei's bro guy. Sorry but I forgot your name ;x

So a fight ensues. Gaara got hurt pretty badly trying to cover for me even though I'm supposed to be stronger then him. Somehow I managed to lure it away... then we both ended up in the Order. I don't know what happened to that monster, cuz i woke up ;/
I'm just glad that Gaara is safe. ;D

5 Stages of Friendship Love

2008-03-11T14:27:00.001+08:00

こんにちわ、みんあさん！えと、これは私のファンフィクです！よろしくおねがいします！じゃ、どうぞ！

i'm having fun with typing hiragana ;D
5 Stages of ~~Friendship~~ Love

Stage One
We've just been introduced. There is an awkward silence. You fidget, as if you shouldn't be here. I can't help but feel apprehensive. You stare at the floor and back to my face, as if wanting to say something but decided not to. I stare at my hands, feeling my ears grow hot. On the other hand, the other members had already started chatting, so they don't notice our silence. Somehow, I felt bad. I tried to say something, but you have already muttered "I'm going to the toilet." I slumped back into my seat, and fiddled with my handphone trying to be busy. I hoped our next meeting will be better.

Stage Two
We meet coincindentally on the street. At one glance, you could tell I'm feeling blue. Without further ado, you brought me to a local funfair, bringing me on various rides. Your chatter washed over me like a cool summer breeze. We blended in the crowd, acting like children without responsibilities. For the first time in a month, I felt really relaxed. I could not help but get caught by your laughter. I had thought that it would be annoying, but I'm glad i'm wrong.

Stage Three
It had been three months since we had a break. I originally planned on resting at home and making up an excuse when you called me, but I recalled your help when I was feeling sad. And I'm so relieved that I went. You sounded normal and I thought that the beach was a weird place to meet. Yet when I found you, you were different. Even though you tried to cover up, your usual liveliness wasn't there. I tried to find out, but you didn't want to tell me. So I placed a reassuring hand on your head and said "tell me when you want to then." You went totally quiet and I thought it was something I said. I gave you a hug to try to cover up the silence. When I was about to pull away, your muffled voice in my shoulder said "Can I stay like this for a while more?" I ruffled your hair and we stayed like that until the next morning.

Stage Four
Things have started to get really busy for NewS again. We are pretty much bonded as a group, although we don't go out together. We are always in a pair. Although I wouldn't mind if I went out with other members other then you. "Ne, Shige-" "Shige!! Help me style my hair!" Tegoshi whined. Everyone knows better then to cross Tegoshi. He'll think up all sorts of ways to "get your attention", no matter how embarrassing or dangerous. " Sorry Keii-chan." I grimaced. "Hai, hai, coming..."

After I finished styling Tegoshi's hair, I went to find you. "What did you want to tell me-" "Hey, Yamapi and Ryo, can I eat with you?" "Eh?But Keii-chan-" "Come on Shige~ Eat with us... and spread the member ai <3">
"Otsukare~" Everyone was tired. " Keii chan let's go home toge-" "Can I hitch a ride? Thanks." Before I knew it, I was alone with Yamapi and Ryo. Something happened. But I couldn't place why I felt like I was bursting. I didn't sleep well that night.

Stage Five
And before I knew it, it was morning and I was late for team practice. It turns out that Keii-chan was late too. " Morning." I was but greeted by your cold exterior. "Is everything all right?" You studied the buttons in the elevator, so obviously ignoring me. "Did something happen? Hey!" You rushed out the elevator and I had to practically run after you. "Hey wait up!" I grabbed your arm forcefully and pinned you to the wall. " Why are you avoiding me? Just what did I do?" "Why do you care? Let me go!" You struggled and managed to get out. We burst into the room. "Oi! Listen to me." "Leave me alone!" I grabbed your arm. "Not until you tell me what's wrong!" You suddenly aimed a punch at me. I could have dodged it but I didn't. I waited for the blow so you'll lessen your anger. But It never came and Yamapi had grabbed your hand and the rest of the members had tried to prevent further fighting. I muttered "I'm sorry." and went to get ready. For the rest of the day, the morale was somewhat forced. I couldn't help be think that if they didn't interfere, maybe your punch could have knocked some sense into me. We didn't have any form of contact for two weeks.

Epilogue
The atmosphere was really tense even after one month. And I realised that during that one month, I didn't do anything that was useful.
"Oi Pi-chan." "Uhm." Then I was dragged to in front of Keii-chan. "What?" I looked around for clarification. "Shige will apologise to you." Massu appeared out of nowwhere. The four members stared expectantly at Shige. "Oi Koyama, you're supposed to listen." Ryo roughly pulled out the earphones. You looked at me with the world's hurt in your eyes. Before I could stop myself, words started to tumble out of my mouth. "I am really sorry if my actions or words had hurt you. Looks like I'm really vain, unable to say sorry. Other then you, I've never been really to speak my mind, but it seems I've gone too far this time." I could feel my face wet with tears. "Voicing out my selfish opinions without caring for your feelings. You're the only one who would keep it inside and not say a word. Only you will tolerate my nonsense..." My knees decided that they couldn't support me anymore and I crumpled to the ground. I limply rest one hand on Keii-chan's leg. "Understand what I'm trying to say please..." You wordlessly slide to the floor to embrace me. "Don't worry. I understand." I buried my face in Keii-chan's shoulder and heard "I love you too".
"We'll take a one hour break. Come back here later." Yamapi cheerfully announced and herded everyone out.

needs an aim.

2008-03-07T21:56:00.001+08:00

yay, whatever. i might base my GP presentation on dreams. haha, why? because it is universal. Everyone has dreamt before, no matter nightmares or pleasant dreams. is it just a psychological response? or a natural body response?

or may be doing on human minds. because, everybody thinks. even though not much for some. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE, IDIOT. you can, with your mind, make your world right, make everything go your way, make everything at your command. nobody have the right to tell you that you have to think only one way. because it belongs to you solely. although other people can influence you, you still have the right to process that suggestion and think whether it's what you'll believe in. you could have killed many people in your mind, and every thing is reversible.

and, i think i'll need some statistics or what not, something to substanstiate this.

and yes, it seems that i have not stop being depressed yet. lets hope i'll not decide to kill myself or what ever. yeah. this world will lose such a sadistic talent.
oh hurhur. I want to see the sadness in the world. What is the point of seeing other's happiness when you are not happy yourself? Isn't it just torture? So you'll be jealous of others, making yourself feel additional pain. which is why, cry, and you cry alone. laugh, and the whole world laughs with your is DEFINITELY wrong. why? refer to my words above.

Distance

2008-03-05T21:11:00.001+08:00

EMO POST ALERT.

"Distance makes the heart grow fonder"

Is this really true? I want to get closer, yet i'm afraid of being hurt.

Watching you from a distance, watching you smile

But is just watching, really worthwhile?

"Lost in silence"

Is good-bye really hard to say?

Secret desires, unable to convey

What i really feel for you

"Friendship is about betrayal"

Wanting to be more then a friend,

Wanting to be less then something close -

Your attitude starts to unveil

"Bare it all"

Without hesitation

Exposed, fully displayed

Exposed, fully disguised

"Marionette"

Following you (only you)

Can't stop showing off (for you)

Can't stop pretending to be someone else (for you)

"Distance"

-------------------------------------------

yes, i'm emo. yes, i'm depressed. very depressed. and i hate myself for this. i never thought someone i don't know can make me feel so irritated with their actions. am i overreacting? am i just too sensitive? or is this stress? i wish i knew. i've felt such emptiness before. yes, this isnt healthy. yes, i should talk about it with someone. but how? other then here. indirectly. yet even indirectly, i am holding back many important information. but i think they are smart enough to know. and my mood has been really fluctuating these days. stress? maybe. suicide? you wish. i'm not letting myself die, no matter how how heart and mind are already dead. this empty shell will just have to find some other things to fill up with. what was formerly inside has dried up. i hope i can find it soon. before even the soul dies.

29th Feburary !

2008-02-29T19:29:00.001+08:00

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"you have always been indifferent, even to me. i didn't mind because i loved this part of you too."

I thought I had resolved these feelings. I had brushed them aside, cast far away in the vast ocean of my mind. I had avoided your gaze, shunned away from your sunny smile, enduring this hurt. I did not mind the fact that you had pretended that it has never happened. I am the one who told you to ignore me. It is all my fault. For creating this mess when I am not mature enough.

"hey, are you free tomorrow?"
"uh...uhm.. i'll will be with my family..."
"i see. that's a shame. i'll see you next week then."

Your serence smile slashed my heart like a rusted nail that slyly hooks onto your shirt. I knew that I will remember. Yet knowing still did not prevent the overwhelming emotions that swept me back to the very first day.

"why... did you lie about being with your family? i am angry. you, so honest and proper, have told me stupid lie. are you trying to say... that being with me made you feel so bad... that you can do nothing but lie?"

Today was the day when I was welcomed into your world. Adding on to my collection of new emotions. Feeling different kinds of happiness at the same moment: ecstasy, delirious, rhapsodic; I was intoxicated repeatedly in every single second I spent with you.

"i am getting angry over such trival matters. i am the true idiot. although you were the one who erred, i am the one who is feeling i am at fault."

Today was the day when jealousy won. Due to my inability to destroy this green-eyed monster, I was reduced to it's slave. I needed you every single second. I wanted you to give in to my every whim. I demanded to control you. I did not want you to see this ugly side of me.

"jumping to conclusions so selfishly... give me a break. don't think so highly of yourself. i don't need you. or so i thought..."

Today was the day when we went our separate ways. I rather self destruct. I ran away from it all. Burying it.

"so why am i fretting so much? why? i was made... to be unable to live without you.
that is the truth."

"when i see you wholeheartedly and desperately loving me the first time... i, too, wanted to fall in love with you and learn more about you. this is the reason why..."

It has been 8 years since.

"and this is the lie. i will... never love you again."

Can today be the day where we meet again for the first time?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kyo wa Fuji Syusuke san no otanjoubi desu!!
although this fic is not to celebrate his birthday xD it is to celebrate this day that appears only once in every four years. a rare day. an even obscure day for two absolute strangers to meet and fall in love. so romantic? in a way, yes. and in a way, no. for two strangers who become friends and gradually lovers is romanticism itself. there are so many faces in the world. if a second, even a moment is missed, this fated reunion will never happen.

shige is love. :) unrequited love is sweeter. because there is a taste of longing and failure. i think i just enjoy the thrill of "falling" in love instead of the real one. more excitement? >D

orientation @ IJC

2008-02-21T22:19:00.001+08:00

What can I say? My group wasn't very enthusiasic on the first day. Expected, but things got a little bit better on the second day. But there was still this girl who kept using her handphone during all the activities. HElloooo, respect please. Although the games were the same as the first orientation, the council did put in effort. Or at least, I think they did. The games are fun ;D , and everybody started to open their mouth to cheer. Starting to bond ;D. I still prefer Sec 3 camp though. Although I got wet and dirty, I didn't mind because everyone was the same.
Aztec is losing. but was champion during the first orientation. How ironic... Who cares. As long I have fun ;D

I hope I'm in the same class as my friends. And YAY~~~ i bought the guy's shirt instead of the female one ;D

--------------------------------------------

here's to BL! ;D and

Tomorrow is Nomura Takuya's Birthday! ;D
otanjoubi omedato!
Info about Takuya Nomura
.A character from tennis no oujisama
.Vice-Captain of St. Rudolph
.Constantly hit by Yuuta for calling him Fuji Shuusuke's little brother
.weakest player on the team based on the lineup that Mizuki created, though he brags otherwise as seen in the fanbook. All the strongest players played in the first matches while he was the last.

2008-02-18T15:21:00.002+08:00

yay~ Here's the MomoxKaidou fanfic!

Title is Haiagare, Kaidou because of the song that Momo sang ~~about~~ to Kaidou ;DD

------------------------------------

MomoxKaidou fanfic - Haiagare, Kaidou
Chapter 1 – Agitato

Kaidou
My first impression of him was a big show off. Annoying and loud. I didn’t like him. Playing a match with him meant having a lot of spectators. Although he is flashy, I had to admit his tennis skills are above average.

Momoshiro
What’s up with that bandana guy? I don’t like his attitude. I don’t like it at all. He is so arrogant; not even bothering to shake hands after a match. That weird sound he makes, and that curve ball… just like a snake. He is a good opponent.

Chapter 2 – Andante

Because we are rivals, I understand what you feel. Being defeated by your own specialty, the setback is great. However, it means you need to break through your present limits and evolve. And because we are rivals, I will never let you get defeated by anyone but me. So stand up, Kaidou. I will protect you until you are able to compete with me again.

Game to XX pair 3-0

“MAMUSHI! Show them your true power. I’ll be waiting until you do. And until then, I’ll never give up!”

Momoshiro… what he said is true… Kaidou Kaoru, what the hell are you doing?

Game to XX pair 5-0

So they returned your Snake. Then you’ll just hit one where they can’t return it!

“DON’T UNDERESTIMATE KAIDOU KAORU!”

Mamushi… Heh. He’s finally back.

Game to Momoshiro-Kaidou pair 7-5!
---------
“Momoshiro… Thanks for earlier.”

“Huh? What did you say? Can you repeat that?” Momo grinned cheekily.

“I said thanks for earlier.” Kaidou turned so his flushed cheeks are hidden.

“Did I hear wrongly? Or did Mamushi just apologise?” Momo draped him arm over Kaidou and stuck a finger out.

“ Don’t touch me. I’m changing.” Momo poked Kaidou’s cheek when he turned to scold him.
“I’m leaving.”

Once outside, Kaidou smiled to himself, and found himself touching his cheek where Momo poked him.
W-what am I doing?!

Chapter 3 – Allegretto

Game and match to Jackal-Marui pair, 6-1!

We would have won the match, if not for my stubbornness and pride. Why didn’t I listen to him? Then I could have brushed off this loss as his fault. Why? Why did I persist in using my snake? I had always relied on my snake. In every single match I played, I will always use my snake.

“Don’t mind, Kaidou. At least you gave your all.”
“Momoshiro! What are you doing here?”
“I came to check whether you were crying because of the loss.” ^^
“Go away.” Kaidou felt too exhausted to think of a smart reply. He couldn’t be bothered to fight with Momoshiro today.

He felt a slight pressure on his head.
“W-wha? Don’t touch me.” Kaidou swatted at Momoshiro’s hand half-heartedly.
“Thanks for lending my your bandana.”
“It’s partly my fault that you fell. You were trying to cover for me.” Kaidou muttered.
“ Oho? What’s this? Kaidou agreeing with me? This is rare! Very rare.”
“You’re annoying. Wipe that grin off your face, damn it.”
“Why don’t you help me?” Momo leaned closer and kissed Kaidou.
“Uwah! Someone will see! And what are you doing so suddenly?” Kaidou couldn’t help but feel a bit ecstatic.
“Time to go back! Inui senpai’s match will be starting soon, Kaidou~” Momo literally flew back.
“Damn that Momoshiro.” And Kaidou realized that Momo had called him Kaidou, instead of Mamushi.

- おわり。-

2008-02-18T09:53:00.001+08:00

Yay~ tenimyu - Absolute King Rikkai feat. Rokkaku ~ First Service

At first I didn't really like that Kaidou... because I find him too pretty <------ weird, since i keep squealing over pretty people @@ he didn't suit my Kaidou image... ;x But after watching the First Service, I find his acting to be good, and ended up liking him *sweat* i also liked that Momo ;DD he's a very cute Momo *VK eyebrows!* Watching Momo-kaidou pair VS Jackal-Marui pair made me like MomoxKaidou @@ WHAT ABOUT INUI?! hehes... Watching the song Haiagare Kaidou made me laugh really hard. Yes, I am evil. Kaidou was being pulled around the stage and pushed to the floor. Momo was supposed to support Kaidou, but it looked more to me like bullying.... The expressions of Kaidou is priceless. And they went so freaking CLOSE!!! *fangirl alert*

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Haiagare Kaidou

Haiagare Kaidou Omae no tsurasa wa ore no itami
Haiagare Kaidou Omae no yowasa wa ore no hagemi
Get up, Kaidoh, Your pain is my ache
Get up, Kaidoh, Your weakness is my incentive

RIVAL dakara koso Ore wa omae wo sasaeru
senyuu dakara koso Ore wa omae wo BACK UP
As we are rivals, I am supporting you
As we are comrades, I will back you up

Makasetoke ore no tokui na Kajiba no bakajikara
Omae ga fukkatsu suru made Ore no bariki wa
Kesshite otoroenaize
Leave it to me, My specialty, The animal strength of a fire scene
Until you recover, My horsepower
Will never decay

Haiagare Kaidou Omae no tsurasa wa ore no itami
Haiagare Kaidou Omae no yowasa wa ore no hagemi
Get up, Kaidoh, Your pain is my ache
Get up, Kaidoh, Your weakness is my incentive

DOUBLES nan dakara FOLLOW suru no wa atari mae
Kusareen nan dakara Kata ni tsukamare STAND UP
Because it's doubles, It's natural that I'll follow
Because we are bound to be together, hold on to my shoulder, stand up

Daijoubu tatakare jouzu Gyakkyou wa nareteru
Itsumo no omae ni naru made Ore wa POWERFUL
BALL ni kurai tsukuze
No problem, good at getting striked, and used to adversity
Until you become the usual you, I am powerful
Cling onto the ball

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Lyrics romanji: thanks to kazekitsunek
Lyrics translation: thanks to kamakari_date

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Now I'll going to write a MomoxKaidou fanfic. Woo!

Might post it later ;D

Ai no kotodama

2008-02-17T17:13:00.001+08:00

お前に発する愛の言葉の数々に, いつか言霊が宿るといい.
omae ni hassuru ai no kotoba no kazukazu ni, itsuka kotodama ga yadoru to ii.

relatives

2008-02-17T11:31:00.001+08:00

Gah. Why must they come anyway? I accidentally cut myself while preparing the prawns >.>
And the funny thing is, i imagined kaidou making lunch O.O my imagination is too hard to comprehend xD

escape

2008-02-16T21:13:00.001+08:00

woo.... just read a tezukaxfuji doujin.... and komeya is a tensai. I love the way she expresses tezuka's personality and fuji's sadness...
I'm not the one... reflecting in your eyes...

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yumyum! The Hokkaido crepe icecream thing is nice! Even though I consider it a bit expensive.... it's really worth it! heh. i wanna share with kaidou..... or see inui feed kaidou >DD woo fangirl hormones alert.... and emo hormones too.

Sometimes i wonder if I really come across someone I really like, and that person is gay, will I still fangirl like this? Or will I try and get that person to like me instead?

And yes. Eating iceream gets me thinking like that. i think too much. ARGH!SHUTMYDAMNBRAINOFF! And I can't because... i don't really know >.> Is too confused.

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Here's some Kaidou to calm me down.

Kaidou Kaoru

"Never underestimate Kaidou Kaoru!"

Seishun Gakuen Middle School: Year 2, Class 7, Number 4

Birthday (Sign): May 11th (Taurus)

Blood type: B

Techniques: Snake, Boomerang Snake, Short Snake, Jairou Lazer

Committee: N/A

Worst Subject: Math, Science

Often visited place in school: Training Room

Elementary School: Okutamagawa Elementary School

Uses allowance on: Training tools

Favorite Motto: "Lick up the poison until the plate is cleared."

Favorite types of movies:　Japanese

Favorite type of books: Literature about the Meiji era

Favorite type of music: Traditional Japanese instrument music

Favorite date spot: Zoo (wants to see polar bears)

Most wanted thing right now: New items for training.

Daily Routine: Road work, cleaning his room

Doesn't like/bad at doing: Doesn't like monsters or ghosts

Special skill aside from tennis: Housework

thanks to Goldenink at LiveJournal;D

funny how Gackt is slowly disppearing from my fangirling ._.

boredom.

2008-02-16T13:07:00.001+08:00

deleted all drafts. after reading the previous posts I feel even more emo. but i guess it's natural. there's nothing for me to do now for a few more days anyway, so i shouldn't waste it on these feelings. there'll be plenty of chances hurhur.

inuixkaidou saves the day! yay~

Ichi.

2008-01-18T20:14:00.002+08:00

boo. test.